Review

"3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Ghost: A Haunted Housewarming Party You Didn’t RSVP For"

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a Hallmark movie got drunk on pumpkin spice lattes and decided to dabble in the paranormal, 3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Ghost is here to answer that question. This 2023 gem (or should I say haunted gemstone?) is the lovechild of a Hallmark holiday movie and a low-budget horror flick. It’s like The Conjuring met Love at First Sight at a real estate open house, and they decided to co-parent.

The plot is as predictable as a Hallmark movie’s happy ending: a plucky young woman (let’s call her Emily, because of course her name is Emily) inherits a charming but slightly dilapidated house from her late great-aunt. The catch? The house comes with a ghost who’s less “terrifying poltergeist” and more “sassy roommate who doesn’t pay rent.” The ghost, played by a delightfully over-the-top character actor, spends most of the movie rearranging furniture, turning lights on and off, and occasionally leaving passive-aggressive sticky notes like, “Clean the bathroom, Emily. It’s haunted, not a pigsty.”

The romance subplot is where the Hallmark vibes really kick in. Enter the hunky handyman (because every small town has one, apparently) who shows up to fix the leaky faucet and ends up fixing Emily’s broken heart. Their chemistry is about as believable as a Hallmark holiday movie’s snowstorm in July, but hey, we’re not here for realism. We’re here for the ghostly shenanigans and the inevitable scene where Emily bakes cookies to appease her spectral roommate.

The movie’s pacing is slower than a Hallmark movie marathon, but it’s saved by its self-awareness. There’s a scene where Emily Googles “how to evict a ghost” and ends up on a forum filled with people arguing about whether ghosts are covered under tenant laws. It’s moments like these that make you wonder if the writers were secretly mocking their own genre.

In the end, 3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Ghost is a harmless, mildly entertaining romp that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s not going to win any Oscars (or even a Golden Globe for Best Ghostly Comedy), but it’s perfect for a cozy night in with a bowl of popcorn and a willingness to suspend disbelief. If you’re a fan of Hallmark movies but wish they had more ectoplasm, this one’s for you. Just don’t expect any jump scares—unless you count the moment Emily realizes she’s out of pumpkin spice syrup. Now that’s terrifying.