Review

"A Very Venice Romance: Where Gondolas and Clichés Collide in a Sea of Predictability"

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a Hallmark movie got lost on its way to a small-town Christmas festival and ended up in Venice, A Very Venice Romance is here to answer that burning question. Released in 2023, this film is the cinematic equivalent of a gondola ride: slow, scenic, and occasionally nauseating.

The plot is as predictable as the tides in the Venetian canals. Our heroine, Emily (played by someone who looks like she’s auditioning for the next 12 Hallmark holiday movies), is a workaholic New Yorker who inexplicably finds herself in Venice for a “business trip.” Enter Marco, a ruggedly handsome gondolier with a heart of gold and a suspiciously perfect command of English. Spoiler alert: they fall in love. Shocking, I know.

The movie is a masterclass in Hallmark movies tropes. There’s the obligatory meet-cute (Emily spills her cappuccino on Marco’s striped shirt), the quirky best friend (who owns a gelato shop and dispenses life advice like a fortune cookie), and the third-act misunderstanding that could be resolved with a single text message. But hey, why use logic when you can have a dramatic chase through St. Mark’s Square instead?

The Venice setting is stunning, but it’s also the film’s greatest irony. While the city is known for its labyrinthine streets, the plot couldn’t be more straightforward if it came with a map and a neon sign saying, “They end up together.” The dialogue is so cheesy, it could double as a topping for Marco’s homemade pasta. And don’t even get me started on the gondola serenade scene, which made me question whether I was watching a romance or a tourism ad.

In the end, A Very Venice Romance is exactly what you’d expect: a fluffy, feel-good movie that’s as comforting—and as forgettable—as a Hallmark holiday marathon. If you’re in the mood for something light, sweet, and utterly devoid of surprises, grab some popcorn and let the gondola of love take you for a ride. Just don’t forget your life jacket—you might drown in the clichés.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Venetian sunsets. Would watch again, but only if trapped on a couch during a snowstorm with no other options.