Review

"An Unexpected Valentine: A Love Story So Predictable, Even Your Grandma Called the Ending"

Ah, An Unexpected Valentine, the 2025 cinematic masterpiece that proves Hallmark movies are like snowflakes—no two are exactly the same, but after a while, they all start to look suspiciously identical. This film, which I can only describe as "Hallmark holiday movies on steroids," delivers everything you’d expect: a small town, a quirky best friend, a montage of baking disasters, and a love interest who just so happens to be a single dad with a heart of gold and a jawline that could cut glass.

The plot? Oh, you know it. Our heroine, Emma (played by the perpetually perky Lily Sparkles), is a big-city event planner who returns to her hometown for Valentine’s Day after her high-powered job leaves her feeling "empty inside." (Spoiler: She’s not the only one feeling empty after watching this.) Enter Jake (Chiseled McHandsomeFace), the local coffee shop owner who’s raising his precocious daughter, Daisy, while still grieving the loss of his wife. (Cue the violins and the slow-motion flashbacks of him staring wistfully at a photo album.)

What follows is a whirlwind of heartwarming clichés: Emma and Jake bond over decorating the town’s annual Valentine’s Day festival, Daisy teaches Emma how to "live in the moment," and there’s even a scene where Emma accidentally spills flour all over herself while trying to bake cupcakes. (Because nothing says romance like looking like a powdered donut.) Of course, there’s a misunderstanding in the third act—Emma overhears Jake talking to his ex and assumes the worst—but don’t worry, it’s resolved in time for them to share a kiss under a gazebo draped in fairy lights. Because nothing says "I love you" like a gazebo and a municipal electricity bill.

If you’re a fan of Hallmark movies, An Unexpected Valentine will feel like slipping into a pair of cozy socks you’ve worn a thousand times. It’s warm, it’s familiar, and it’s just a little bit threadbare. But hey, sometimes that’s exactly what you need. Just don’t expect any surprises—unless you count the shocking revelation that Hallmark holiday movies are still being made in 2025. (Seriously, how many small towns with inexplicably high budgets for seasonal festivals are there?)

In conclusion, An Unexpected Valentine is the cinematic equivalent of a heart-shaped box of chocolates: sweet, predictable, and guaranteed to give you a sugar headache if you consume too much. But if you’re in the mood for a love story that’s as comforting as it is clichéd, grab some popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and let the fairy lights guide you to happily ever after.

Rating: 3 out of 5 gazebo kisses.