Review

"Carrot Cake Murder: A Hannah Swensen Mystery" – A Whodunit So Sweet, It’ll Rot Your Teeth (But Not Your Brain)

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a cozy mystery novel and a Hallmark movie had a sugar-fueled lovechild, Carrot Cake Murder: A Hannah Swensen Mystery is here to answer that question. And by “answer,” I mean it throws a lot of frosting at the wall and hopes it sticks. Spoiler alert: it mostly does.

This 2023 gem (or should I say, jam?) follows Hannah Swensen, everyone’s favorite amateur sleuth/baker extraordinaire, as she solves yet another murder in her quaint, pastel-colored town. This time, the victim is found face-down in a carrot cake, which honestly feels like a personal attack on dessert lovers everywhere. Was it the jealous rival baker? The suspiciously grumpy town mayor? Or the guy who just really hated raisins? (Honestly, same.)

As with all Hallmark movies, the plot is about as predictable as a pumpkin spice latte in October. You know Hannah will solve the case, you know there will be a love triangle involving a hunky detective and a charming local, and you know there will be at least one scene where someone dramatically says, “But Hannah, you’re not a real detective!” (Cue the gasps and the swelling piano music.)

What sets this apart from your typical Hallmark holiday movies is the sheer amount of baked goods on display. Seriously, this movie is basically a 90-minute ad for carbs. By the end, you’ll be craving carrot cake so badly, you’ll forgive the fact that the murderer’s motive made about as much sense as a snowman in July.

The acting is… well, it’s Hallmark-level. Alison Sweeney (Hannah) delivers her lines with the same wide-eyed earnestness she brings to every role, and the supporting cast is a delightful mix of quirky townsfolk who all seem to have taken acting lessons from the same “How to Be Quirky 101” class. The dialogue is cheesy—sorry, cheesy—but in a way that feels comforting, like a warm blanket or a slice of slightly overcooked pie.

In conclusion, Carrot Cake Murder: A Hannah Swensen Mystery is the cinematic equivalent of a guilty pleasure dessert. It’s not going to win any Oscars (unless there’s a category for Best Use of Icing as a Plot Device), but it’s perfect for a lazy Sunday afternoon when you’re in the mood for something sweet, silly, and just a little bit murder-y.

Final verdict: If Hallmark movies are your jam (or your frosting), this one’s a slice of heaven. Just don’t think too hard about the logistics of solving a murder while running a bakery. Or the calories. Definitely don’t think about the calories.