Review

"CrimeTime: Freefall – A Hallmark Movie That Forgot to Bring the Eggnog"

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a Hallmark holiday movie got drunk, stole a cop car, and tried to reinvent itself as a gritty crime thriller, CrimeTime: Freefall is here to answer that question. Released in 2024, this film is like if Hallmark movies and Die Hard had a baby, but the baby was raised by a raccoon with a caffeine addiction.

The plot follows Detective Holly Jolly (yes, that’s her real name), played by the ever-charming but slightly confused-looking Emma Winters, as she investigates a series of high-stakes heists during the holiday season. The twist? The criminals are dressed as Santa Claus, and their getaway vehicle is a sleigh powered by what I can only describe as “questionable CGI.” It’s like Home Alone meets Ocean’s Eleven, but with more tinsel and less logic.

The movie tries to balance heartwarming moments with action-packed sequences, but it ends up feeling like a Hallmark holiday movie that accidentally wandered onto the set of a Michael Bay film. There’s a scene where Detective Jolly delivers a heartfelt monologue about the true meaning of Christmas while dangling from a helicopter, and honestly, I’m still not sure if I should cry or laugh. Spoiler alert: I laughed. A lot.

The villains, led by a man who calls himself “The Kringle King” (played by a delightfully over-the-top Gary Oldman), are about as threatening as a mall Santa with a caffeine headache. Their plan to steal a priceless diamond hidden in a giant Christmas ornament is both ridiculous and oddly endearing, like something you’d expect from a Hallmark movie if Hallmark movies suddenly decided to embrace chaos.

The romance subplot involves Detective Jolly and her ex-boyfriend, a reformed cat burglar named Nick (because of course his name is Nick). Their chemistry is about as believable as a Hallmark holiday movie where the city girl falls in love with the small-town lumberjack after exactly three days. But hey, at least they kiss under some mistletoe while explosions go off in the background. Classy.

In the end, CrimeTime: Freefall is a mess, but it’s the kind of mess you can’t look away from. It’s like watching a trainwreck where the train is decorated with twinkling lights and the conductor is wearing a Santa hat. If you’re in the mood for something that’s equal parts ridiculous, festive, and completely nonsensical, this is the movie for you. Just don’t expect it to replace your annual Hallmark holiday movie marathon—unless you’re really into helicopters, heists, and holiday-themed chaos.

Final verdict: 2.5 out of 5 candy canes. It’s not good, but it’s definitely memorable.