Review

"Curious Caterer: Fatal Vows" – A Recipe for Murder, Mayhem, and Mildly Melodramatic Matrimony

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a Hallmark holiday movie had a midlife crisis and decided to dabble in murder mysteries, Curious Caterer: Fatal Vows is here to answer that question. This 2023 gem (or perhaps glittery rhinestone) is the cinematic equivalent of a fruitcake: it’s got a little bit of everything, but you’re not entirely sure if it all works together.

The plot follows Goldy Berry (played by the ever-charming Nikki DeLoach), a caterer with a knack for stumbling over dead bodies like they’re misplaced wedding favors. When a high-profile wedding turns into a crime scene, Goldy teams up with Detective Tom Schultz (Andrew W. Walker, who looks like he wandered off the set of a Hallmark Christmas movie and forgot to take off his scarf). Together, they serve up a piping hot platter of sleuthing, sass, and suspiciously convenient plot twists.

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: this is a Hallmark movie, but with a dash of murder. That’s right, folks—imagine if Murder, She Wrote and The Wedding Planner had a baby, and that baby was raised by a Lifetime movie. The result is a curious blend of cozy mystery and romantic tension, with just enough cheese to make you question whether you’re watching a thriller or a fondue commercial.

The dialogue is as predictable as a Hallmark holiday movie’s happy ending, but with added lines like, “This isn’t just a wedding cake—it’s a crime scene!” (Yes, that’s an actual quote. No, I’m not kidding.) The chemistry between Goldy and Detective Schultz is about as subtle as a neon sign that says “WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY?” Spoiler alert: they will.

What truly sets Curious Caterer: Fatal Vows apart is its commitment to the absurd. At one point, Goldy solves a clue by analyzing the frosting on a cupcake. I’m not saying it’s unrealistic, but if I ever need to crack a murder case, I’m hiring a pastry chef, not a detective.

In conclusion, this movie is the perfect watch if you’re in the mood for something that’s equal parts charming, chaotic, and completely ridiculous. It’s like a Hallmark holiday movie, but with fewer snowflakes and more crime scenes. So grab your popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and prepare to laugh, gasp, and maybe even roll your eyes a little. After all, who doesn’t love a good murder mystery with a side of wedding cake?

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 suspiciously frosted cupcakes. 🧁