Review

"Fourth Down and Love: A Touchdown of Tacky Tropes and Tacky Sweaters"

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a Hallmark movie and a football game had a baby, Fourth Down and Love is here to answer that question with all the subtlety of a linebacker tackling a mascot. Released in 2023, this film is the latest addition to the Hallmark holiday movies lineup, and boy, does it deliver—just not in the way you might hope.

The plot is as predictable as a Hallmark movie’s insistence that small-town bakeries are the key to true love. Our protagonist, a ruggedly handsome football coach named Jake (who looks like he’s never eaten a carb in his life), is forced to return to his hometown after a scandal involving a rogue hot dog vendor at a big game. There, he reunites with his high school sweetheart, Emma, who now runs the local Christmas tree farm (because of course she does). Sparks fly, sweaters are knitted, and the town’s annual holiday football game becomes the backdrop for their rekindled romance. Spoiler alert: they win the game, and love. Shocking, I know.

The dialogue is about as believable as a Hallmark movie’s portrayal of snow (seriously, it’s always perfectly falling). Lines like, “Sometimes love is like a fourth down—you just have to go for it!” had me rolling my eyes so hard I thought they’d get stuck. And don’t even get me started on the obligatory “big city vs. small town” debate, where Jake learns that success isn’t about winning championships but about… well, you guessed it, love and Christmas.

But let’s be real—if you’re watching Fourth Down and Love, you’re not here for groundbreaking cinema. You’re here for the cozy predictability of Hallmark holiday movies, complete with hot cocoa, awkward dance scenes, and a dog that somehow saves the day. And on that front, this movie delivers like a perfectly timed Hail Mary pass. It’s cheesy, it’s cliché, and it’s exactly what you signed up for.

So grab your popcorn, your coziest blanket, and your ability to suspend disbelief, because Fourth Down and Love is here to remind you that love, football, and Christmas are the ultimate trifecta. Just don’t expect any surprises—unless you count the fact that the hot dog vendor subplot is never resolved. Seriously, what happened to that guy?