Review

"Hearts in the Game: A Love Story So Predictable, Even Hallmark Movies Are Blushing"

If you’ve ever watched a Hallmark movie and thought, “Wow, this is so formulaic I could write it in my sleep,” then Hearts in the Game is here to prove you wrong. Because, my friends, this 2023 romantic comedy takes predictability to a whole new level—like, Olympic gold medal level. It’s the kind of movie where you can guess the entire plot from the trailer, but you watch it anyway because, well, you’ve already eaten all the popcorn and it’s too late to turn back now.

The story follows Emma (played by the perpetually perky Clara Brightwood), a small-town baker with a heart of gold and a knack for accidentally spilling flour on herself in slow motion. Enter Jake (the ruggedly handsome but emotionally unavailable Liam Strongjaw), a pro baseball player who’s returned to his hometown after a career-threatening injury. Spoiler alert: they hate each other at first. But don’t worry, by the end of the movie, they’ll be holding hands, baking cookies, and probably rescuing a stray dog together. It’s basically The Notebook meets Field of Dreams, but with more frosting and fewer tears.

The dialogue is so cheesy it could be served at a fondue party. At one point, Emma says, “Love is like baking—it’s all about timing and a little bit of magic.” Jake responds with, “And I thought baseball was hard.” Cue the collective groan from the audience. But hey, if you’re into Hallmark holiday movies, this is your jam. It’s got all the classic tropes: the quirky best friend who exists solely to give advice, the small-town festival that somehow solves everyone’s problems, and the obligatory montage of the leads doing mundane activities while smiling like they’ve just won the lottery.

The cinematography is, well, let’s just say it’s very Hallmark movies. Every shot looks like it was filmed through a filter called “Romantic Autumn Dream,” and the town square is so picturesque it makes you wonder if anyone actually lives there or if it’s just a set for endless romantic comedies. Also, can we talk about how everyone in this town seems to have unlimited free time? Emma runs a bakery but somehow has hours to spare for impromptu picnics and heart-to-heart conversations. Meanwhile, Jake’s “grueling” physical therapy sessions consist of him tossing a ball around with a kid for five minutes. Sign me up for that rehab program!

But here’s the thing: despite its flaws (and there are many), Hearts in the Game is oddly comforting. It’s like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket made of clichés and sugar. If you’re a fan of Hallmark holiday movies, you’ll love it. If you’re not, well, you’ll probably still watch it because your mom made you. Either way, it’s a harmless, heartwarming escape from reality—just don’t think too hard about the plot, or your brain might rebel.

Final verdict: 3 out of 5 stars. It’s not groundbreaking, but it’s got enough charm to make you smile. And if nothing else, it’ll make you appreciate the complexity of, say, a Die Hard movie. Yippee-ki-yay, bakers!