Review

"Love in the Maldives: A Tropical Hallmark Fever Dream with Extra Sand"

Ah, Love in the Maldives—the 2023 cinematic equivalent of a piña colada: sweet, predictable, and guaranteed to give you a mild headache if you consume too much of it. This movie is what happens when Hallmark movies and Hallmark holiday movies have a baby, and that baby grows up, gets a passport, and decides to film itself frolicking on a beach for 90 minutes.

The plot? Oh, you know it already. Girl (a quirky city journalist with a heart of gold) meets Boy (a ruggedly handsome local resort owner who just so happens to be single). Girl is sent to the Maldives to write an article about luxury resorts but ends up writing about love instead. Boy teaches Girl how to snorkel, they share a sunset, and—spoiler alert—they fall in love. Cue the montage of them holding hands, laughing, and running through the surf like they’ve never heard of sand in uncomfortable places.

The dialogue is as sharp as a seashell, with gems like, “Sometimes, love is like the tide—it just washes over you,” and “I didn’t come here for a story… I came here for you.” (Cue the collective “aww” from anyone who’s ever watched a Hallmark movie while wrapped in a blanket and questioning their life choices.)

The supporting cast is a delightful mix of quirky best friends, wise elders, and one sassy parrot who steals every scene he’s in. (Honestly, give that bird an Oscar. Or at least a cracker.)

But let’s be real: you’re not watching Love in the Maldives for the plot or the dialogue. You’re watching it for the vibes. The turquoise water, the over-the-top bungalows, the endless supply of tropical drinks—it’s like a screensaver come to life. And if you squint hard enough, you can almost forget that this movie cost $12 to rent and was probably filmed in a week.

In conclusion, Love in the Maldives is the cinematic equivalent of a postcard from your aunt who’s on vacation: pretty to look at, but you’re not entirely sure why she sent it to you. If you’re a fan of Hallmark movies or Hallmark holiday movies, this is your jam. If not, well, there’s always the parrot.

Rating: 3/5 stars (and an extra star for the parrot).