Review

"Notes of Autumn: A Hallmark Movie That Forgot to Bring the Pumpkin Spice"

Ah, Notes of Autumn, the 2023 cinematic equivalent of a cozy sweater that accidentally shrunk in the wash. This movie is so quintessentially Hallmark that I half-expected a rogue Christmas tree to pop up in the background, just to remind us that Hallmark holiday movies are never far away. But no, this one is strictly autumnal—think falling leaves, artisanal apple cider, and a love story so predictable you could set your watch to it.

The plot? Oh, you know it already. A big-city workaholic (let’s call her Claire, because of course her name is Claire) returns to her quaint hometown to sell her late grandmother’s charmingly dilapidated bed-and-breakfast. Enter the ruggedly handsome local handyman (let’s call him Jake, because obviously), who just so happens to be restoring the B&B while also restoring Claire’s faith in love, life, and the power of a good flannel shirt. Spoiler alert: they fall in love, the B&B is saved, and there’s a montage of them frolicking in a pumpkin patch set to a folksy cover of a 90s pop hit.

But here’s the thing: Notes of Autumn is so committed to the Hallmark formula that it feels like it was written by an AI trained on every Hallmark movie ever made. The dialogue is so wholesome it could give you a cavity, and the conflicts are resolved so quickly you’d think the characters were on a time crunch to get to the next hayride. And don’t even get me started on the obligatory “misunderstanding” scene where Claire thinks Jake is dating the local barista, only to find out she’s his cousin. (Because, you know, small towns are just that incestuous.)

That said, I can’t hate it. There’s something oddly comforting about a movie that knows exactly what it is and doesn’t try to be anything more. It’s like a warm mug of apple cider—sweet, familiar, and slightly overpriced. If you’re a fan of Hallmark movies, you’ll love it. If you’re not, well, you’ll probably still watch it because it’s October and you’re already three pumpkin spice lattes deep.

In conclusion, Notes of Autumn is the cinematic equivalent of a basic white girl’s Instagram feed. It’s not groundbreaking, it’s not original, but dang it, it’s cozy. Just don’t expect it to win any Oscars—unless there’s a category for “Most Creative Use of a Scarf.”

Rating: 3 out of 5 perfectly symmetrical pumpkins. 🎃