Review

"Return to Office: A Cinematic Ode to Awkward Small Talk and Stale Coffee"

Ah, Return to Office, the 2025 blockbuster that nobody asked for but everyone secretly needed. Directed by the same visionary who brought us Zoom Fatigue: The Musical, this film is a rollercoaster of emotions, mostly confusion and mild despair. If Hallmark movies are the warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies of cinema, then Return to Office is the stale granola bar you find at the bottom of your desk drawer—crunchy, unsatisfying, but somehow necessary.

The plot follows a group of reluctant office workers who, after years of remote work bliss, are summoned back to their fluorescent-lit purgatory. The protagonist, Karen (played by the ever-charming but perpetually tired-looking Emma Stone), spends the first 30 minutes of the movie Googling "how to fake a medical exemption for remote work." Her journey is both relatable and deeply unsettling, like watching a Hallmark holiday movie where the love interest is a stapler.

The film’s villain, a middle manager named Greg (played by a delightfully smarmy Ryan Reynolds), is the human embodiment of a "mandatory fun" email. His attempts to "boost morale" with team-building exercises are so cringe-worthy, you’ll find yourself rooting for the stapler to win Karen’s heart instead. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

The movie’s pacing is slower than a printer on a Monday morning, and the dialogue is peppered with phrases like "synergy," "circle back," and "let’s take this offline." It’s like a Hallmark movie, but instead of a quaint small town, the setting is a soul-crushing cubicle farm. And instead of a heartwarming romance, the climax involves Karen finally figuring out how to mute Greg on Slack.

Visually, the film is a masterpiece of beige. The office decor is so bland, it makes Hallmark holiday movies look like a Wes Anderson fever dream. The only pop of color comes from Karen’s collection of novelty mugs, which she uses to passive-aggressively communicate her feelings. ("World’s Okayest Employee" speaks volumes.)

In the end, Return to Office is a cautionary tale about the perils of corporate life and the importance of setting boundaries. It’s not quite a comedy, not quite a drama, and definitely not a Hallmark movie. But if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to watch a film that captures the existential dread of a 9-to-5 job, this is it. Just make sure to bring your own snacks—preferably something stronger than stale granola.

Rating: 3/5 staplers. Would recommend, but only if you’re already at the office and avoiding work.