Review

"Spring Breakthrough: A Hallmark Movie That Forgot to Pack the Sunscreen"

Ah, Spring Breakthrough, the 2023 cinematic equivalent of a lukewarm piña colada—sweet, predictable, and just a little bit watered down. If Hallmark movies and Hallmark holiday movies had a baby, and that baby decided to go rogue and set its story on a beach instead of a cozy small town, this would be it. But instead of snowflakes and mistletoe, we get sand in our shoes and a plot thinner than a beach towel.

The movie follows Emma (played by someone who looks like they’ve never actually been on a spring break), a workaholic who’s never taken a day off in her life. Her best friend drags her to a tropical resort, where she meets Jake (a local surf instructor with abs so perfect they deserve their own IMDb page). Cue the montage of Emma awkwardly trying to surf, Jake laughing in slow motion, and a series of misunderstandings that could’ve been solved with a single text message.

The dialogue is so cheesy, it could double as a fondue dip. Lines like, “Sometimes you have to let go of the shore to find yourself,” are delivered with the gravitas of someone reading a fortune cookie. And don’t even get me started on the obligatory “big city vs. small beach town” debate, which feels like it was lifted straight from the Hallmark holiday movies playbook.

But here’s the thing: despite its flaws, Spring Breakthrough is oddly comforting. It’s like eating a bag of stale popcorn—you know it’s not great, but you can’t stop. The scenery is gorgeous, the chemistry between the leads is passable (if you squint), and the soundtrack is a bop. Plus, there’s a scene where Emma accidentally gets drunk on a smoothie, and honestly, that’s the kind of chaos I live for.

In the end, Spring Breakthrough is exactly what you’d expect: a Hallmark movie in a bikini. It’s not groundbreaking, it’s not deep, and it’s definitely not winning any Oscars. But if you’re in the mood for something light, fluffy, and utterly ridiculous, it’s the perfect escape—just don’t forget to pack your sense of humor alongside your sunscreen.

Rating: 3 out of 5 seashells. 🌊